In all honesty, I don’t think our friendship is going to last much longer or even end well just because I know everything I feel and everything I want to say will never be said on account of learning from experience. But by letting you know the truth it would just lead me down the same path. I’ve gotten over so much in the past but I know something’s wrong when I just don’t feel right remaining your friend and the feeling has been there all week. I cant even look at you the same. Just a giant paradox is what this is.
An as for everyone else I’ve generally learned to not think about them. For a while now the world has been a playground and my thoughts are blank and my mind is blank and everything is just not there. I don’t take into consideration anyone else’s feelings, I don’t listen to reasoning and excuses and I don’t repeat the same steps I did before. No I don’t want to be your friend. No I don’t wanna hang out with you. No I don’t want to get to know you. No I don’t want to fucking hug you or walk with you in the hallways or hold a fucking conversation with you. Any of you. I have narrowed my list of people who I don’t mind dealing with to myself. All I fucking want and have wanted for a while now is a bus ticket. Countless times I’ve considered it and countless times I’ve almost just left. If I were to runaway all I know is I would go really far so when can I leave?
None of that made sense but that’s what you get when it’s midnight and you’re only running on 12 hours of sleep from the past week and you’ve got this giant hole in your mind where your appreciation for the people in your life once was.